College and beer, they're about as synonamous as peanut butter and jelly, ham and cheese, chips and salsa, buffalo chicken subs and blue cheese, you get the picture.
Guinness beer: with St. Patrick's Day this past Monday, all your Irish friends probably had this pumping through their veins as much as blood since last weekend. A beer that has a complicated presentation when you're at a bar (the cans are badass too), it is truly a treat to have a Guinness. These are your top of the line teams that you can bank on. They're going deep in the tournament.
Harpoon beer: a regional beer that's brewed in Boston, it's slowly gaining some momentum as fratboys (and the girls they rufee) realize Sam Adams isn't the only beer to come out of Beantown. You expect a few wins out of these teams just like you expect a good night if you're drinking Harpoon.
Yungeling: the most underrated beer I can think of. People in Upstate NY, NJ and PA are all about this stuff and you would be too if you weren't stuck without this affordable lager. Similarly fans of this team know they have something special on their hands. These are the underdog teams that can hang with the big boys. Get a few in you and they taste like something even better.
Bud Light: an everyman beer, no doubt you've had one in your collegiate career, you're probably watching an ad on TV for Bud Light as we speak. The point is, Bud Light is not a terrible beer, it's just omnipresent. You can't avoid seeing it just like you can't miss these big conference teams that are shoved down your throat all season. They might get a win or two but they're not going anywhere except that late-night party next weekend, they'll be free by then.
Red Dog: sure there are worse beers in the world but not many. Just like these teams aren't that bad (they are in the tournament stupid, though probably because of an automatic bid from a joke conference) but you'd have to be a toothless hillbilly or a college freshman/lush to seriously choose Red Dog or these teams with a straight face over anything else short of your own urine. Red Dog is always a stop on the blackout express.
East Region
(1) North Carolina vs. (16) Mt. St. Mary's-Psycho T and his homeys roll
(8) Indiana vs. (9) Arkansas-the definition of an 8-9 game, neither team is good
(5) Notre Dame vs. (12) George Mason-Patriots start two guys from the Final Four
(4) Washington State vs. (13) Winthrop-Eagles have made it four years in a row
(6) Oklahoma vs. (11) St. Joseph's-such an obvious upset, it makes you hesitate
(3) Louisville vs. (14) Boise State-where's Jared Zabransky when you need him?
(7) Butler vs. (10) South Alabama-should be one of the best first-round games
(2) Tennessee vs. (15) American-one can only hope Erin Andrews is nearby
Guinness: UNC, Louisville
Harpoon: Notre Dame, Washington State
Yungeling: St. Joseph's, Butler, South Alabama, George Mason, Winthrop
Bud Light: Indiana, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Tennessee
Red Dog: Mt. St. Mary's, Boise State, American
Midwest Region
(1) Kansas vs. (16) Portland State-Portland State could be in for a whoopin'
(8) UNLV vs. (9) Kent State-two very solid teams that you've never seen
(5) Clemson vs. (12) Villanova-two underwhelming choices
(4) Vanderbilt vs. (13) Siena-a trendy upset pick, Vandy is as soft as they come
(6) USC vs. (11) Kansas State-Mayo scores under 15 and still declares for NBA
(3) Wisconsin vs. (14) Cal-State Fullerton-should set offense back 20 years
(7) Gonzaga vs. (10) Davidson-it's a shame one of these teams has to go out early
(2) Georgetown vs. (15) UMBC-Hibbert takes dumps bigger than UMBC's biggest player
Guinness: Kansas, Georgetown
Harpoon: Wisconsin
Yungeling: Kent State, Siena, Davidson
Bud Light: UNLV, Clemson, Villanova, Vanderbilt, USC, Kansas State, Gonzaga
Red Dog: Portland State, Cal-State Fullerton, UMBC
South Region
(1) Memphis vs. (16) UT Arlington-thanks for playing Mavericks
(8) Mississippi State vs. (9) Oregon-the Ducks are a 9-seed, really?
(5) Michigan State vs. (12) Temple-don't be surprised when the Spartans fold
(4) Pittsburgh vs. (13) Oral Roberts-can Pitt. make a run in the tourney?
(6) Marquette vs. (11) Kentucky-for the love of God, don't let Wildcats advance
(3) Stanford vs. (14) Cornell-if you're that smart, who wouldn't choose Cali?
(7) Miami (FL) vs. (10) St. Mary's-Hurricanes are complete frauds, even Irvin knows
(2) Texas vs. (15) Austin Peay-Augustin is filthy
Guinness: Texas
Harpoon: Memphis, Pittsburgh, Marquette
Yuengling: Temple, St. Mary's, Oral Roberts
Bud Light: Mississippi State, Oregon, Michgan State, Kentucky, Stanford, Miami
Red Dog: UT Arlington, Cornell, Austin Peay
West Region
(1) UCLA vs. (16) Mississippi Valley State-over by halftime
(8) BYU vs. (9) Texas A&M-Mormans can ball says Mitt Romney
(5) Drake vs. (12) Western Kentucky-Drake could be exposed here
(4) UConn vs. (13) San Diego-will the real Huskies show up?
(6) Purdue vs. (11) Baylor-where have I been, Purdue is good again?
(3) Xavier vs. (14) Georgia-don't kid yourself, Bulldogs have no shot
(7) West Virginia vs. (10) Arizona-can you say, toss up?
(2) Duke vs. (15) Belmont-teams could combine for 25+ 3-pointers
Guinness: UCLA, Xavier
Harpoon: Drake, UConn
Yungeling: Western Kentucky, San Diego, Baylor
Bud Light: BYU, Texas A&M, Purdue, Georgia, West Virginia, Arizona, Duke
Red Dog: Mississippi Valley State, Belmont
The Final Four
UNC, Kansas, Texas, UCLA
The Title Game
Kansas vs. UCLA
And the Winner.......
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